I was speaking with a friend who stopped short of sharing how he really felt in the midst of grieving a loved one, saying that he had already given me enough negativity for one day, and he only likes to be positive for his friends. I said, well real friends understand that you are human and everything is not going to be rainbows and sunshine. I reminded him that only a few hours earlier he had shared an Ella Mai song with me, “The Power of a Woman” in which she sings about being a safe place, an ear, a shoulder. He said “Oh no, those are just pretty words in a song – nobody really means that. You are just trying to trick me into letting my guard down.” I answered that with another song, “Clarity” by DOE in which she sings, “How can you know that they love you for you if your pretty lies are the only face that you let them see?” I encouraged him to be himself and give people a chance to really show up for him.
He ultimately had an opportunity to test that theory later in our conversation when we dealt with something that we completely disagreed on. He thought the conversation would be a minefield full of tension and arguments but realized that it was an open forum where we expressed our differing viewpoints without trying to convince each other otherwise and without any hard feelings whatsoever.
It is so important to have people in your life with whom you are safe to fully express yourself. Sometimes it is not enough to expect the people around you to provide that safety, you may have to seek it out and cultivate healthy relationships with those who are able to reciprocate honesty, authenticity, and acceptance.